sproutgirl: (John Hannah umbrella)
[personal profile] sproutgirl
Next week is the Amplified band contest, which means no sleep. And things are so messed up right now on the band front that I'm not even excited for it. For the possibilities it can create.

Right after that my parents come into town. My dad won a poker thing on-line, played against 900 people to win a trip to Vegas (staying at my work too!) and a weekend with a top pro poker player, taking seminars and having his skills evaluated. He's so excited, it's the cutest thing ever.

Then the next week is another Verbatym concert. Then on the 20th it's LONDON!

I'm way excited for London, excited to meet Liss in real life, and her sister. I'm a little nervous because my passport isn't here yet, but I've been assured it will be here soon.

I haven't written much this week. Started a couple things, but my drive to finish them has gone away. My drive for anything has sort of vanished lately.

Stupid country. Why does it have to be so BIG?

I shouldn't push. I know I shouldn't push. But, sometimes, it still feels like maybe . . . ? I won't say I'm sorry, because I won't change it. Can't change it. It is what it is, even if it kills me. I am sorry if I say too much sometimes. Not so much sorry that I say it, but sorry it's too much.

I had someone tell me I was an awesome friend the other day. I made an offer that wasn't really feasible or practical, but seemed like the thing to do. I would have enjoyed doing it. But I felt a little guilty for the gratefulness. Because partly? I offer these things, these gestures, these "I'll drive with you"s and "I'll fly you out"s and "I'll come do inventory"s and "I'll write fic"s because I want people to remember that I am here. I'm not always a great friend, especially not to those who live near me because I am reclusive and insular, but I cravecravecrave people's attention. Their friendships. Their opinions of me. Validation, it seems, is quite an issue for me. Who'd have thought?

So, yeah. If anyone has anything meaningful to say about me, I'd love to hear it. It just might save my sanity right now.

And for the record? I predict a maximum of four, maybe five, people to reply to this. If I get more, I'll be shocked. Though, honestly? I love those four or five to death, and I shouldn't need more than that, right?

Date: 2008-07-30 03:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kp-mushu.livejournal.com
There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel validated, that what you've given (be it yourself, your time, or any other gift) is valued and appreciated. Few things kill a friendship quicker than realizing the recipient really doesn't give a fig about what you offer.

And let me say that every time I see an orange car drive by, I think of you and grin. :)

Date: 2008-07-30 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
I suppose. I guess a part of me just feels guilty for wanting it? Like, I'm not certain I should be worth anyone's thoughts, maybe? I don't know.

I DO love my car. It's pretty and orange and it plays my iPod!

Thank you, so much. *grins*

Date: 2008-07-30 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leftsockarchive.livejournal.com
I'm hardly ever around anymore but I do care about many people, including you.

I find myself thinking of the few hours we spent together in Salem every so often. Especially that toy store. It was so cool meeting LJ friends in person, wasn't it?

Take care and I hope things look up for you.


Date: 2008-07-30 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
*hugs back*

Haven't seen you in a while! Was actually just talking about Salem and you and Thalia and Lu and Lydia and everyone. That toy store was awesome. And RL colliding with LJ has always been a good experience for me!

Thanks for the hugs. Hope things are well where you are!

Date: 2008-07-30 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elucreh.livejournal.com
But you do honestly mean those things--you offer me your closet to live in and I think you'd enjoy my company if I came to stay in it. You don't offer these things to the people you don't love--you offer them to people who you feel are worthwhile. It's worth a lot.

Your dad's story of why he's coming to Vegas makes me smile. Awesome older people FTW!

I'm excited for your London trip, too--you will have to tell me all about it when you get back. ^_^

Date: 2008-07-30 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
Ah, but I had to revoke the invite, since Ginger called it first, lol.

I DO mean the things I offer, I always do. And it's gratifying to know that it's appreciated. I just . . . *shrugs* I don't know. I'm having self-esteem issues at the moment.

He is the cutest thing ever right now. He's so excited. He's a good poker player, definitely, but I've always been wary of him playing extensively here. There's just too MANY good players here. But apparently he's even better than we all thought. It was noce for him to have that acknowledged and validated. I hope he gets even better at this workshop, and gets to show off a little.

I definitely will. I'm going to ride the tube and go to Covent Garden and Notting Hill and King's Cross and all sorts of things!
Edited Date: 2008-07-30 04:56 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-07-30 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] salemdipity.livejournal.com
Yay for your Dad!

I think you're a wonderful friend. You've been there for me so much in the year we've been friends and have been a constant support and happy place for me. I wouldn't be without you ♥

Also, cannot WAIT until you're here!

Date: 2008-07-31 08:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
I can't wait either.

Thank you.

Date: 2008-07-30 11:40 pm (UTC)
ext_9390: My Phoebers! :D  (Default)
From: [identity profile] chickadilly.livejournal.com
I meant everything I said - I think you're a really good friend. You're kind and caring and you're fun.

And you always offer loving support - and like Liss says - you're a happy place.


And yay for your dad! :D

Date: 2008-07-31 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
I know you meant it. That wasn't what I meant, and I certainly don't want you to feel bad. I just . . . I don't know.

He's so excited.

Date: 2008-07-31 04:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drunk-grantaire.livejournal.com
Srsly, you need to stop being so down on yourself. Every time you update this thing, you get so many kickass comments from kickass people who appreciate you and think you're awesome.

So stfu and bask in your awesomeness.

Date: 2008-07-31 08:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
I just . . . I guess I need more, somehow? Well, I won't go into it.

But that part in the middle? Yes, I'm melancholy because the country is so big and you know, the wrong side, but also because I want what I can't have. Especially since it sometimes feel like maybe it's there? I know, I KNOW it's not. But . . . Yeah. I'm going to shut up now.

Eta: Check your mailbox.
Edited Date: 2008-07-31 10:51 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-07-31 05:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] truesalcove.livejournal.com
*huggles* You know I love you. I've missed getting to chat like we used to all the time, but it seems things have spun crazy out of control for me of late. But you'll always be one of the people I always think about, even when we can't chat. Someone who will be my sister and best friend regardless of where we are and what we're doing. And I can't wait to hear how your band does! Keep us updated, yeah?

Date: 2008-07-31 09:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sproutgirl.livejournal.com
Your life is all sorts of crazy right now. I get that. I miss you, but you're branching out and finding your own life right now and I am so proud of you.

Edited for bad grammar and typing. :)
Edited Date: 2008-07-31 11:15 am (UTC)
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